A Labor of Love: Insights on the Planner-Client Relationship, from ‘Bridal Whisperer’ Eyal Tessler

New York City has been my home for a long time, and over the years, I’ve fallen in love with all it has to offer, especially its potential for spectacular events and weddings. In a city so large, the possibilities for a unique experience are endless.

Eyal Tessler of Tessler Events, an extremely talented planner and wedding industry expert, shares this sentiment with me. In NYC and beyond, his focus is on the custom, the crafted, and the innovative. I had the privilege of gaining some insight from him for this blog, not only about how he works with his clients, but how his clients work with him.

No matter how big a city is, your wedding planner can (and should) make you and your spouse feel like you’re the only people in it. Here’s how all three of you can make that happen.

As you should when you’re working with your planner, allow me to jump right in. Wedding planners are used to immediately setting to work using what you come in with — whether that’s a set vision (or lack thereof), family dynamics (no matter how complex), or your sense of direction as a couple (no matter where it points you). Therefore, I always say that the most important thing to do when you’re working with a professional is to let go.

This doesn’t mean releasing control of everything, not at all. Rather, it means being open about what you want and what’s going on, and trusting that your planner will be understanding and make your dreams happen for you.

“For me, it’s not just about creating the most beautiful, Instagrammable moment,” Eyal said. “It’s really [about] understanding and remembering what we are here for, and I’m here to help.”

Eyal considers himself a “bridal whisperer,” and he’s more than earned that title. For him, it’s not just brides he connects with, but rather, everyone involved in the wedding, from the spouses to their families. With over 30 years of experience, he’s seen and handled just about everything.

“I always say that wedding planning brings the best and worst of people, and I think that ‘bridal whisperer’ came from the perspective of being more of the wedding coach, the wedding therapist,” Eyal said.

While it is common for emotions to run high, no matter how smoothly the planning process goes, Eyal does not believe that tension is a necessary part of it — quite the opposite — and I must say that I agree.

Planners like Eyal serve as neutral parties, removed from any dynamics at play while still remaining compassionate. A good planner has an intimate understanding that this is one of the most emotional days of your life, and is capable of holding space for that alongside all of the things that must be done. In fact, the emotions inform the process, and they are a necessary tool for crafting the wedding of your dreams. Every couple brings something unique to the table, which gives the wedding planner both material to work with and creative liberty. When working with a planner, never allow yourself to believe that something is not important, as it is all a part of your vision for your day — and thus, part of your planner’s. So, in Eyal’s case, he wants to hear all about how you and your spouse are feeling.

Something I’ve noticed recently is that every couple wants to produce something new with their wedding, whether they’re breaking traditions or following them to the letter. They want a wedding as distinct as a signature, and I completely understand this desire. In part, it’s why I do what I do.

When you get close enough to your planner, eventually, you become one creative hand, making your dreams manifest before your eyes. And the potential is endless! The wedding industry has a wide variety of planners to offer, each with their own approaches and attitudes, but if there is one thing your planner should not believe in, it is limits. This is not to say that they will not tell you what will and will not work, but they will push what is possible, as far as possible.

Since moving from Israel (with already-extensive event planning experience), Eyal has learned New York City’s ins and outs, and knows how to take advantage of all the nooks, crannies, niches, and potential of any place. No matter where you choose to get married, Eyal brings his innovative attitude to the table, and strives to make your wedding unforgettable. 

In my opinion, a planner should focus on more than just the who, when, and where of it all, and should zoom in on every aspect of your day — a sentiment that Eyal shares. For him, he works out everything, from food, to the timeline, to the guests.

“[For example], when someone tells me that they love food, and they want to experiment more, and they want their guests to experience it, that’s when you go and you create it,” Eyal said.

Truly, a planner should always be aiming higher, but not so high that you and your spouse cannot reach. Which is to say, communication is key, especially when you are experimenting. We’ve already covered communicating with your planner, but in turn, you should also make sure that your planner is able to communicate with you. Chances are, they have a wonderful creative vision that they’d love for you to provide input on, giving you as much control as possible while still being a guiding light.

Not only that, you should know that wedding planners do not work alone. Rather, they either have a team of vendors on deck, or they’re happy to meet and work with anyone you trust with putting your day together. As Eyal says, “It takes a village.” “I love my village, because I can be an amazing planner, but if I don’t have my vendors, or my partners, as I call them, nothing will happen,” Eyal said. “I’m always looking for different approaches, and I’m always open to meeting new people.”

This collaboration culminates on the day of your wedding, when everything is said, done, and decorated. From the moment you wake up, it is so important to be present at every moment, and if you trust your planner, this becomes a lot easier. Chaos manager, party starter, or absolute magician — whatever you’d like your planner to be, know that they will be and more.

Above all, and what I think Eyal and I have been saying throughout this blog, is that your planner should know, acknowledge, and accept you, and that applies in the reverse, too. When you’re planning your wedding, treat your journey with your planner as just that: a journey of discovery. As Eyal emphasized, “It’s not just about enjoying the end result.”

“I think that a good planner can really sit with you, understand what your needs are…and how you can create an experience that actually combines who the two of you are,” Eyal said. “One of the best compliments that I get is when I am at a wedding …[is hearing] people saying to each other, ‘Oh, my God, this is so them.’”

Now, this is entirely my own sentiment, but one thing I’ve learned from these insights is this: wedding planning is a lot like living in New York — acknowledging every individual’s story, while staying above the chaos…or diving straight in.

After everything, you should not only walk away from your wedding with a former planner, but something closer to a friend and confidant, a cheerleader for your love. Do not be afraid to express yourself to your wedding planner, as they’re happy and often honored that you placed their day in their hands. “I work from my heart,” Eyal said about his career. “I love creating for people. I love helping people. I love creating memories that will last for a lifetime.”