The Child-Free Wedding: What it is and whether it’s right for you

Child-free weddings are a hot topic of debate right now, in the wedding community and beyond. When it comes to this type of wedding, it’s all in the name: a wedding that involves no children. It’s been rising in popularity over the last few years, and as such, many couples are trying to explore their options. In my career, I’ve seen a number of weddings on both ends of the spectrum, and I’d like to offer you some considerations to make while you weigh your options. 

The degree of child-free

This is something couples sometimes don’t realize they can customize. Often, the content surrounding child-free weddings is very polar. Either you include everyone’s children for the whole wedding, or you include none at all. 

Perhaps you’d like children and adolescents involved in your ceremony or the wedding party, but you want to save the reception for adults. Maybe you’d only like to include specific young ones, such as your own children or those you know personally. You could be planning a certain age cutoff that’s below 18 or 21, but high enough to eliminate some potential guests. Or, it’s possible that you have a hard line: No children at all or All children welcome. 

Once you decide on your degree of child-free, from 0% to 100%, there are a few more things you may need to think about. If you haven’t decided yet, these considerations might help you narrow it down.

Accommodating children

Consider whether your wedding plans have room for children. This may sound silly at first, but upon closer inspection, this may be a deciding factor in whether you involve them in your wedding. 

Think about the aspects of your wedding that may not be child-friendly. This includes the obvious — alcohol, adult-oriented songs, games and dances, and certain wedding traditions, new and old. However, also consider the things that wouldn’t stick out at first glance. Do you have delicate or elaborate decorations or displays, a several-tiered cake, or food served over open flames? Will there be staff, such as waitstaff, performers, etc. walking around where they could easily trip over a child?

There is always a certain amount of risk when children are involved, no matter how well-behaved they are. If there is any part of your wedding during which you absolutely will not risk a mishap, it may be best to keep children away from it — for their safety and your sanity. Otherwise, you can easily shift these elements around, notify parents, and work with the venue. For either option, ask yourself if and how you can make it work.

On the opposite end, accommodating children not only means accommodating their presence, but also their absence. Which is to say, even if you do not include children, you must think about where the children will be during the moments they’re not included in. 

If your guests have no children, this question is answered for you. However, it’s very likely that this isn’t the case. Thus, you must consider childcare, especially for children who can’t be left alone. This is not to say that this childcare is your responsibility to manage — far from it. This is something the parents and guardians of these children will be responsible for, and therefore, something you need to have on your mind. 

I’m not asking you to consider every person’s individual needs, but I am saying to think about your guests as a whole. Do most of them have children, and if so, are you okay with the possibility of some of them RSVPing “No” due to childcare concerns?  If not, you might want to find ways to include children. 

Enforcing boundaries day-of

In an ideal scenario, enforcing boundaries at a wedding goes smoothly and nobody has any complaints — or decides to test the limits. 

However, I understand that not every scenario is ideal. Therefore, once you make your decision, you must be prepared to enforce it. If you include children, you need to include keeping them safe and yourself happy in your wedding plan. If you pursue any other route, you need to hold strong to it, and ensure children are not involved where they are not included. 

In some cases, it’s possible to work with the venue to help this happen. You can also pull in some guests to help you set your boundaries, which can help if there are family dynamics at play. Finally, wedding professionals like myself are used to this kind of thing, and we’re more than able to help your wedding run smoothly, no matter what. 

Even though it’s been rising in popularity, the child-free wedding is a novel idea to many, and has faced some resistance. On the other hand, there is an increasingly common attitude that some events should always be child-free, which results in irritation when children are included. No matter what you decide, everyone is going to have opinions—and often, very strong ones. Thus, whatever you choose must be something you believe is worth standing up for yourself for.

 This is where the final consideration comes in. 

Weighing pros and cons

Once you’ve considered these factors, sit with your future spouse and list the pros and cons of any type of child-free wedding. In my experience, many of you will have already made your decision by this point. Some of you may have even changed your minds. 

No matter what, it’s crucial that you and your spouse align. As I mentioned in my blog about the hard questions to ask before getting married, you must be on the same page for major life decisions—and I count important factors in your wedding as examples of these decisions. You absolutely do not want to start off your marriage with an unhappy compromise. 

Every option for including or not including children comes with its own challenges and rewards. When you make your list, is there anything that sticks out to you? Is there anything that you’re unsure about? Most importantly, is there anything you look at and think, Absolutely not?

After you’ve done this, I’ll let you answer the question: to include children, or not to include children?