Why An Elopement Might Be The Right Choice For You

When you hear the word “elopement”, secrecy and haste are probably the first things that come to mind. For centuries, elopements have been thought of as sudden, clandestine, and defined by a lack of approval from family or society. In recent years, however, “elopement” has taken on an entirely new meaning. It now speaks to a casual and intimate marriage ceremony defined by its limited attendance. Some couples choose to invite a small group of witnesses, while others opt to share their elopement ceremony only with the officiant.

The element that truly sets elopements apart, though, is the centering of the couple as opposed to the guest, of the experience as opposed to the exhibition. In our culture of comparison and consumerism, planning a wedding may feel more like a burden than a privilege. If this sentiment resonates with you, an elopement might be the best option for you and your partner. Read on as we break down the pros and cons of elopement so you can make the best decision for your relationship.

The Pros

Timeline and Location

The decision to elope opens up a world of possibilities in terms of timeline and location. When you’re planning a wedding for hundreds of guests, preparation can take months or even years. With those hundreds of guests scaled down to, say, 4 or 5 family members and close friends as witnesses, it is much more feasible to pull off on a compressed timeline.

Further, the location for your elopement ceremony can be just about anywhere. Whether it be a canyon-covered valley in Utah or the dazzling rainforests of Costa Rica, the limited number of attendees paired with a less intensive budget allows you to seek out a location that speaks to you and your partner as individuals as well as to your approaching union. If there’s a location the two of you have always dreamed of visiting but put off for “someday”, use your elopement to make “someday” today!

Less Stress

Eloping also eliminates the stress that comes with planning and executing a traditional wedding ceremony and reception. Rather than spending the days leading up to your ceremony scrutinizing seating charts or choreographing your entrance dance, you’re able to relax, celebrate, and (most importantly!) begin planning for your new married life. It is precisely the casual nature of elopements that tends to lower stress levels. Without the weight of living up to what you think your wedding day “should” be, you’re able to exist entirely in the moment.

Intimacy and Focus on The Couple

The decision to elope often leads to strikingly personal ceremonies. While most (if not all) wedding ceremonies have those sentimental moments embedded throughout, an elopement ceremony is intimate from start to finish. Let’s consider vows in particular. Some of the most stunning and bespoke vows I’ve encountered have emerged from elopements, because there is no pressure to contend with your guests’ perceptions or expectations. You are able to fully center yourself and your partner, to ensure that each word that leaves your lips is designed specifically to ring true in their heart. You don’t have to wonder, “Will people get this inside joke? Is this sentiment too personal to share in front of a crowd?”; all that matters is you, your partner, and the extraordinary promise of your shared love.

The Cons

Less Room for Fanfare

There is certainly a tradeoff that comes with the less stressful, less strenuous planning process for an elopement — many of the traditions common at weddings are off the table. You likely won’t have elaborately-dressed wedding parties, a first dance in an elegant ballroom, or a getaway car touting clanking cans and Just Married! signage. For some, the exclusion of these traditions and conventions is precisely the reason you’re interested in eloping. But it’s always important to dig deep and truly consider: Will I feel like I’m “missing out” if I omit these elements? Will I look back on this decision with any modicum of regret? If the answer is yes, spend time reflecting on whether elopement is truly the best option for you.

Potential to be Labeled “Selfish”

Something else to consider is the reactions you and your partner will receive from the people in your lives. While you might have a few guests in attendance, there will undoubtedly be close friends and family who will not witness your elopement. This can be saddening in itself, but it can also lead to feelings of resentment and betrayal. Some even go so far as to argue that elopement is an inherently selfish act (a perspective I wholeheartedly disagree with). If you elope, be prepared to contend with those feelings. But also, remember: You are not obligated to defend your decision to anyone. Nobody knows what kind of ceremony is best representative of your relationship and your love but you.

There are many factors at play in the decision whether or not to elope. You must consider the potential positives, like flexibility of location, minimal stress, and unparalleled intimacy. But you must also consider the negatives; are there any traditions or conventions exclusive to traditional wedding ceremonies and receptions that you’ll regret not participating in? Are you prepared to combat claims from loved ones that your decision was selfish? Only once you and your partner have fully assessed these factors can you decide whether an elopement is the right choice for you.